Warning: This page contains information on theft penalties. Do not attempt to steal anything without consulting this page first.
Penalty Scales
Our expert team has compiled a list of the most likely penalties for theft in 2024:
- First-time offenders: 1-5 years in the clink
- Repeat offenders: 5-10 years in the clink with a 50% chance of being forced to watch cat videos
- Career criminals: Life in the clink or a 1-way ticket to Neptune
Remember, the penalties listed above are subject to change without notice.
Want more information on the history of theft penalties? Theft Penalties Through the Ages