- Flargle McSplat, @FlargleMcSplat: "I just ate 3 entire pizzas by myself. I'm not proud, but I'm not ashamed either."
- Wizzle Whirly, @WizzleWhirly: "I'm a professional snail trainer. It's a tough job, but someone's gotta do it."
- Griznit, @Griznit: "I can recite the entire script of 'The Big Lebowski' from memory. I've seen it 12 times."
- Pling Jingle, @PlingJingle: "My pet chicken, Cluck Norris, is a master of the ancient art of ninjutsu."