Procrastination Is My Love Language

by Zazoo McSnazz, Esq.

Illustrations by P. Jinx

As I sat in my sweatpants, sipping coffee, and staring at the same 8:00 PM news report I've been watching since 8:00 AM, I realized: Procrastination Is My Love Language

I'm not just talking about the 12 unread emails in my inbox, the 17 cat videos I've watched, or the 3,000 unread comments on my favorite online forum. I'm talking about the art, the passion, the romance of putting off everything that matters until the very last minute.

It's not just about the thrill of the unknown, the rush of the deadline, the satisfaction of a well-timed "Just a minute, I'll get right on that." It's about the connection, the understanding, the love I feel with every tick-tock of the clock.

I know what you're thinking: "Zazoo, what about your responsibilities? What about your life goals?" Ah, but that's where you're wrong, friend. My responsibilities are just a series of obstacles, a gauntlet to be run, a delicious obstacle course to be navigated while I savor the flavor of my favorite snack foods.

As I ponder the meaning of my love language, I'm reminded of the wise words of my favorite philosopher, the inimitable Dr. Procrastinationstein: "The only true measure of a person's worth is the depth and breadth of their to-do list, and the extent to which they've managed to avoid it."