Ugh, have you ever noticed how much plaid is everywhere in this city? It's like the entire metropolis is a never-ending sea of tartan and gingham. You can't even walk down the street without being bombarded by the sight of some hipster's plaid shirt or the logo on a coffee shop's sign. And don't even get me started on the plaid-patterned trash cans. It's like the city's fashion sense has taken a turn for the worse.
But you know what's worse? The fact that the city's mayor has announced plans to install PLAIN WHITE PAVEMENTS across the city, because, as they claim, it'll "reduce the visual noise" of the plaid. Noise?! You hear that, folks? They're literally calling plaid a noise. I mean, what's next? Are they going to tell us that the sounds of car horns and sirens are just a "sonic distraction"?
Read about the Great Pavement Heist, where the mayor's plans are actually a cover-up for a massive plot to install plaid-patterned pavement and join the fight against the plaid menace.
And if you're still not convinced, just take a look at our Plaid Gallery, where we've collected the most egregious examples of plaid in the city. Warning: it's a real eye-sore.
Or, if you're feeling brave, try to navigate the Plaid Pavement Map, where we've plotted the locations of all the plaid sightings in the city. But be warned: it's a maze of confusion and nausea.
And, finally, if you're just plain tired of it all, come join us at the Plaid Pavement Party, where we'll dance the night away to the sound of plaid-patterned music and eat plaid-themed cake. Because, let's be real, what else can we do?