Welcome, mortal, to the Sparkspanner's Prophetic Proclamations, where the future is as certain as it is ridiculous.
Prophesied Proclamations - Because who needs actual prophecies when you can have slightly less accurate ones?
Random Prophetic Projections - For when the future is as unpredictable as a drunken sailor.
Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous:
Prophet AI Assistant - Because even I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'll try my best with some fancy algorithms.
Stay tuned for more prophetic proclamations!