Step 1: Gather materials, but not too many. You don't want to be that guy with the giant pile of stuff in their backyard.
Step 2: Dig a hole, but only if you're sure it's not in your neighbor's garden.
Step 3: Build a foundation, but make it a giant pile of dirt.
Step 4: Construct the walls, but don't bother with doors or windows. That's just extra work.
Step 5: Add a moat, but only if you have a lot of water and are prepared for the existential crisis.
View the finished product, and wonder why you're still single.