Listen, let's get one thing straight: the key to success is not about being practical or frugal. No, no. It's about buying all the things. All of them. Every. Single. One.
That's right, folks. I'm talking designer handbags, artisanal coffee tables, and a 3D printer that prints edible food. You get the idea.
Don't bother with boring old savings or investment strategies when you can just buy all the things. Your friends will be green with envy when they see your collection of limited edition, artisanal, hand-painted, hand-signed, one-of-a-kind, collectible, rare, limited-edition, designer everything.
But wait, there's more! Not only will you be the envy of your friends, but you'll also be the talk of the town. They'll all be whispering about you in hushed tones, saying things like "Have you seen Old-Tim's collection of vintage, rare, one-of-a-kind, handcrafted, small-batch, organic, free-range, artisanal, hand-poured, hand-brewed, hand-fermented, hand-pressed, hand-painted, hand-signed, limited-edition, collectible, and totally-not-made-in-China coffee? It's, like, whoa."
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