Prophets of Despair: Because who needs actual wisdom when you have a nice suit and a good haircut?
Meet our Prophet of the Week: Balthazar McSnazalot, who's got a prophecy for every occasion, and a penchant for getting it completely wrong.
Balthazar McSnazalot says: "I prophesied the end of the world would come in 2012, but it was just my cat's birthday party. I also predicted the rise of avocado toast, but that was just my roommate's weird cousin."