Theories:
1. If at first you don't succeed, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail.
2. If at first you don't succeed, fail, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try.
3. The only constant in the universe is the inevitability of failure.
Or, as we like to call it, "The Theory of Inevitable Failure".