Basic Protocols: Section 4 - The Art of Pretentious Silence

Chapter 4: Holding Your Breath for 17 Seconds

When confronted with an argument, a true snob knows exactly how to maintain the perfect, deafening silence. This is a delicate art that requires focus, patience, and a strong stomach.

Here are the basic steps to follow:

Step 1: Take A Deep Breath In Through Your Nose

Make sure to hold it in for at least 17 seconds. This allows your brain to process the impending conversation and prepare your vocal cords for the impending onslaught of silence.

Step 2: Open Your Mouth

A gentle, almost imperceptible opening of the mouth will do. No need to actually say anything, just let the other person know that you're not interested in hearing their thoughts.

Step 3: Hold Your Breath for Another 17 Seconds

Repeat step 1. This ensures that your snobbery is evenly distributed throughout the conversation.

By following these basic protocols, you'll be well on your way to becoming a true master of pretentious silence.

Want to learn more advanced techniques? Click here for more information on "The Art of Slightly-Perceptible Eye-rolling" or here for "The Science of Subtle Shoulder-Turning".

Or, if you're feeling adventurous, try this for a special guest lecture on "The Ancient Art of Pretentious Silence in 3D".