Welcome, mortal, to the den of the least trustworthy oracle in all the realms.
I'm Prophet Zero, the seer who sees only what I want to see. My prophecies are as accurate as a coin toss.
Or, if you're feeling lucky, try My Lottery Numbers. They're bound to be wrong, but hey, that's the fun of it.
Disclaimer: I'm not actually a prophet. I'm just a guy with a nice suit and a bad comb-over.