Warning: This review contains mature themes, strong opinions, and an existential crisis.
Rating: 1/5 (and even that's generous)
We visited the Decaffination Station in search of a decaffeinated experience, but what we found was a bleak, flavorless void.
The baristas, once promising, now seem to have lost all passion, all spark, all joy. The coffee beans, once a source of pride, now lay dormant, ungrounded, and unloved.
The decor, an uninspired mess of beige and grey, screams "We've given up on life." The music, a cacophony of elevator tunes, is an affront to all who enter.
We left with a bad taste in our mouths, and a faint hope that things will get better. But until then, we'll have to settle for the Decaffination Station.
Recommendation: Avoid. Unless you're a glutton for punishment.
Read Review 2: A Caffeine-Deprived Descent into MadnessOr, as our editor put it, "A review so bad, it's not even good."
We're not sure what's more disturbing: the fact that the Decaffination Station is serving decaffeinated coffee, or the fact that the customers don't seem to care.
Is this the end of the world as we know it? Has humanity given up on the pursuit of happiness and flavor? We don't have the answers, but we do know that this experience is a bleak, unforgiving one.
We left with a taste of disappointment, and a lingering sense of despair.
Recommendation: If you value your sanity, stay far, far away from this place.
Read Review 3: The Caffeine-Free ApocalypseOr, if you're feeling particularly masochistic, visit the menu.
Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, try one of our experimental drinks.