Just spent 10 minutes making a sandwich. I'm not even kidding, that's exactly how long it took. See more proud tweets →
I love how people say "no offense" when they're actually just going to offend you anyway. Like that's a thing people actually do. See more of that real deep stuff →
When you finally find the last cookie in the jar, but it's all crumbled on the counter. That's just the universe telling you, "Hey, you're not even worthy of a whole cookie." See more cookie-related trauma →