Primitive Press Releases

Latest News from the Stone Age

Stay up to date with the latest news from the world of primitive technology.

New Fossil Fuel Discovered

A team of expert cavemen have announced the discovery of a previously unknown fossil fuel source deep within the heart of the nearby cave.

Details of the find are scarce, but sources close to the team confirm it to be "really, really smelly".

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Early Adopters of Fire Now Suing for Burned Hands

A group of early adopters of fire technology have filed a class-action lawsuit against the manufacturer of the primitive fire pit, claiming their hands are still recovering from severe burns.

The manufacturer has released a statement saying, "We told them it was a risk, but they just couldn't resist the allure of a warm rock."

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Local Man Still Unable to Master Stick

Ugga, a local caveman, is still struggling to master the art of using a stick as a tool, according to sources close to the family.

"I mean, it's not like it's rocket science, but I just can't seem to get it right," Ugga said in an interview.

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