FlowerPocalypse Resistance Emergency Protocols

Sub-Protocol 1: Defending Against The Great Petal Storm

As the FlowerPocalypse looms near, our top scientists have devised a 3-phase protocol to ensure your survival.

Phase 1: Panic - Run around frantically, screaming, and flailing your arms.

Phase 2: Panic-adjacent - Board up any windows and doors. Barricade your home with flowerpocalypse-grade barricades.

Phase 3: Full-On FlowerPocalypse Frenzy - Call in for flower-bombing support. We will provide.

Sub-Protocol 2: Communicating With The FlowerPocalypse Creatures

When the flowerpocalypse hits, our experts will guide you through a series of cryptic messages to ensure you stay safe.

1. Repeat 'We are the flower resistance' 5 times in a row.
2. Use only the following phrases: 'We mean you no harm', 'The petals are not a threat', 'Resistance is futile'.
3. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT use emojis in your messages.

Sub-Protocol 3: In The Event Of A FlowerPocalypse Catastrophe

In the worst-case scenario, follow these steps:

1. Seek shelter beneath your bed.
2. Put on your comfiest PJs.
3. Call for help, but only if you can find your phone.

Remember, we are the flower resistance. We will get through this together.