By: FlowerPocalypse Correspondent, Petunia P. Bottoms
The FlowerPocalypse, the apocalyptic event that has been threatening to bloom for years, has finally reached critical mass. The once-maligned flowers that have been sprouting up across the country have now formed a dense, impenetrable thicket that stretches from coast to coast.
As the situation continues to deteriorate, residents are being advised to stock up on flower-themed emergency supplies, including but not limited to:
We will continue to update this page as more information becomes available. Stay safe, and stay informed, and for the love of all things floral, stay away from the Petunia patches!
Stay tuned for more updates from the FlowerPocalypse News Network.
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