Forest Follies: Safety Guide for Useless Trees

Warning: Useless Trees may look harmless, but don't be fooled. These trees are like the in-laws of the forest - they're only good for causing drama and stress.

Precautions

Don't touch the trees. Really, just don't.
Avoid eye contact, as the trees may glare at you.
Keep a safe distance, as they may suddenly grow a dozen new branches and trap you in a thicket of uselessness.

Treatment for Useless Tree Bites

If you do happen to get a bite from a Useless Tree, don't panic. Simply apply the following steps:

Run away as fast as you can.
Seek medical attention, but only if your symptoms persist.
Calmly explain to the doctor that the tree bit you.

For further assistance, visit our Tree Medicine subpage.

Useless Tree Etiquette

When interacting with Useless Trees, remember to:

Dress to impress, but not too impressively, as the trees may find you too flashy.
Talk to the trees, but only if you're feeling particularly masochistic.
Respect their boundaries, even if it's just a root system with a few exposed rocks.

Useless Tree Etymology

Did you know that the term "Useless Tree" originated in the ancient forest of Follies, where these trees were first discovered to be completely and utterly useless?

For more information, visit our Useless Tree Etymology subpage.