Welcome to our team! We're glad you're here. Sort of.
Below you will find our official Employee Handbook, a document filled with all the things you should probably already know but we're too lazy to tell you.
Don't worry, we're not trying to be boring or anything. We just really like to sleep at our desks and eat copious amounts of Cheetos for lunch.
1.1. Don't touch our stapler. It's not yours.
1.2. Don't eat all the Cheetos. Share with your coworkers, or don't.
1.3. Don't use the copier for printing your cat pictures. It's not a printer, and it's not a toy.
2.1. Wear pants to work. We don't care about the color, but please don't wear those neon green ones. Those are just wrong.
2.2. Don't play the harmonica during work hours. It's distracting.
2.3. If you must, please do not reorganize the entire office into a replica of the 1970s disco era. That's just not necessary.
That's all for now, folks!