Deadpan Etiquette

Because, honestly, nobody actually reads instructions, we're just going to assume you know the basics: no smiling, no eye contact, no actual human emotions. That's right, it's all about the delivery, not the delivery guy. Now, let's get to the good stuff.

Rules

• No, really, just no smiling. You can't be too sure, can you?
• Never, ever, under any circumstances, use the words "I love you." Unless, of course, you're in a hostage situation.
• When in doubt, assume everyone hates you.
• Never use sarcasm. Unless you're in a meeting.
• When talking to a robot, use only the most basic of protocols. No small talk.

Now, if you're ready for more advanced training, click here for more.

Or, if you're just feeling extra sassy, flame it up with our Advanced Etiquette: Flaming edition.