Are you tired of being squashed by the crushing ennui of modern life?
Look no further than the Squash Bot, the most advanced AI-powered squashing device in the world.
We use advanced algorithms to analyze your existential dread and serve up personalized squashing solutions, guaranteed to make you feel slightly less terrible.
No, seriously. We're not joking. We're just... slightly unhinged.
It's simple: we collect your deepest fears and anxieties, then serve them back to you in a delicious, bite-sized helping of existential dread.
But don't worry, we're not cruel. We only squish the most pressing concerns, leaving you with just enough hope to keep you from totally giving up.
No, it's just a fancy computer program with a bad attitude. But hey, it's better than nothing, right?
No. You're stuck with us now. But don't worry, it's not like we're going to make you feel any worse. Much.