Time Dilation Theory: Because Time Is Relative, Man

Time Dilation Theory (TDT) proposes that time is not a fixed, one-way street. Nope, not on your planet, pal.

According to our research, time is actually a stretchy, squishy thing that can be manipulated by the right kind of socks.

That's right, you read that correctly: socks. Specifically, these:

Put on these babies, and you'll be able to slow down or speed up time at will. Don't worry, we've tested them. They're 99% effective.

Side effects may include:

• Spontaneous combustion of nearby objects
• Mild time-travel-induced amnesia
• Increased risk of getting stuck in a time loop

Learn more about Time Slip Gates or Discover the risks of Temporal Drift.