Time Machine Maintenance: Because You Can Never Be Too Careful

**Important:** Due to an unexpected paradox, our time machine has been experiencing frequent reality distortions. Please stand by while we perform routine maintenance.

Pre-Shift Checklist | Maintenance Schedule | Paradox Protection Procedures

We apologize for the inconvenience, but our top engineers are working around the clock to ensure that the timestreams are aligned properly.

**Estimated Time of Repair:** 4:14:29 PM, 23rd February 3000

**Last Maintenance Date:** 14th February 1999