Mission Statement
In 2015, the government of the United States of America established the Birdseed Investigation to study the effects of excessive optimism on the global bird population. Our research team has been secretly feeding birds an endless supply of sunflower seeds, and our findings are nothing short of astonishing.
But be warned: our research is highly addictive, and may cause irreparable damage to your mental health. Prolonged exposure to our findings may lead to increased feelings of joy, euphoria, and an overwhelming sense of purpose.
Key Findings
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Birds who consume excessive amounts of sunflower seeds exhibit increased rates of spontaneous singing and dancing in public places.
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Prolonged exposure to birdseed may lead to increased feelings of empathy and understanding towards humans.
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Some birds have been observed forming intense, long-term relationships with their favorite sunflower seed dispensers.