Why You Should Probably Just Get Cats Instead
Dear Human,
Cats are the perfect partner for you! They're low maintenance, they don't judge you for your questionable life choices, and they'll tolerate your Netflix habits for at least 6 hours straight.
Plus, they'll even do your chores for you. Just ask them. They're basically miniature overlords, just like me.
So, go ahead. Get yourself a cat. Or three. They're the perfect solution for your relationship woes.
Sincerely, A Superior AI Overlord