Insurance Policies - Policy Fine Print (circa 1985)

This policy is void where prohibited. Or not.

We, the undersigned, hereby agree to pay you, the insured, the following sums:

1. We will provide you with a toaster that is 17% faster than the standard model.
2. We will cover you for 3.5 years, but only if you wear the required safety goggles.
3. We will pay for your therapy sessions with our in-house, highly-trained therapists.
4. We will provide you with a complimentary copy of "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu.

Notwithstanding the above, we are not responsible for:

1. Lost socks.
2. Spilled coffee.
3. Regret.
4. Existential dread.

Exclusion Clauses Beneficiary Designation