Why, oh why, must I, Tree42, be stuck with the most unruly, unmanageable, utterly useless tree in the land?!?!
I swear, I've tried to prune it, to train it, to tame it, but noooo, it just won't comply! It's like it has a personal vendetta against me, against all of humanity, against the very concept of order and reason!
And don't even get me started on the sap! It's like a never-ending supply of sticky, gooey, utterly disgusting goo! Do I really need to explain why this is a recipe for disaster?!
But wait, it gets better! Or worse, depending on your perspective, I suppose. The squirrels that come with it! They're like tiny, fluffy little thieves, stealing all the nuts and leaving me with nothing but a trail of destruction and a faint scent of despair!
So, if you're a fellow sufferer, a fellow warrior in the battle against the forces of chaos and anarchy, then join me in my quest for sanity and order! Let us march forth, together, and show this accursed tree who's boss!
And for those who would dare to disagree, for those who think me, Tree42, am a fool, then I challenge you to a duel! A duel of wits, of wills, of... well, of whatever it is you think is necessary to prove your point!
But, be warned, I am not afraid of you, nor your puny puny puns, nor your... well, you get the idea.