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In today's breaking news, our team of expert crystal gazers and chicken liver prognosticators have foreseen a 97% chance of imminent world peace, but only if everyone starts wearing matching neon jumpsuits. Stay vigilant, friends!

Top Story:

Mysterious Alien Signal Intercepted, Turns Out to be Just Someone's Wi-Fi Router

More News:

Local Man Discovers Hidden Talent for Extreme Ironing | Global Study Finds That Pineapples Are Actually Just Small, Round Balls of Sadness

Special Report:

Exclusive Interview with the Future Queen of England's Hairdresser

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