Welcome, seeker of foreboding omens and calamitous destinies! I, the Ancient Oracle, shall reveal unto thee the probable futures that await thee. Choose a path to gaze into the abyss...
Loathsome Fate 1: The Cursed Toaster
Thy kitchen will soon be overrun with a toaster that spews forth an endless barrage of burnt offerings, dooming thee to a lifetime of burnt bread and singed eyebrows.
Loathsome Fate 2: The Sudden Onset of Sudden Death
Thy life will be cut short by a freak accident involving a lawnmower, a loose chicken, and an errant basketball.
Loathsome Fate 3: The Incessant Coughing
Thy respiratory system will soon be beset by a persistent hacking fit that will shake the rafters of the house and the foundations of the earth.