Pyro Problematology II: The Sequel That Never Happened
Welcome to the most anticipated sequel to the greatest film of all time! Unfortunately, the first film's director is now a professional snail trainer and the script is lost in a cave.
However, we still have the Infernal Machines Inc. subsidiary, which will still sell you a bunch of overpriced fire-spewing devices that might not actually work.
And don't forget the Prophet Support Group, prophets who have lost their way in life, just like the film's director.
The Plot
The story revolves around a pyrokinetic prophet who must use his fire-starting abilities to ignite the world's most unlikely of places: a vegan bakery.
Stay tuned for more updates... if we ever finish writing the script.
Subplots
Meanwhile, the film's protagonist is secretly a time-traveling toaster who keeps getting stuck in ancient Egypt, and must navigate the challenges of ancient Egypt with his toast popping up every five seconds.
More on the toaster's adventures
And the film's villain, a mad scientist who's trying to turn the world's coffee machines into sentient, fire-spewing beasts, is actually just a failed baker trying to make a good croissant.