White Hole Insurance FAQ
What is White Hole Insurance?
White Hole Insurance is a specialized coverage for individuals and businesses affected by White Holes, those pesky points in space-time where matter and energy are sucked into an abyss.
Don't worry, we've got you covered! Our policies include:
- Comprehensive coverage for lost loved ones, lost productivity, and lost sanity
- Emergency evacuation services to nearby planets with stable gravitational fields
- Psychological support for the inevitable existential dread
Why do we offer this service? Because someone has to.
Is White Hole Insurance available in my area?
Our coverage is available in the vicinity of any White Hole, no matter how unstable or uncharted.
However, please note that coverage is subject to change based on the whims of our CEO, who is also a part-time astrophysicist.
How much does it cost?
Our premium rates are based on the number of dimensions affected and the likelihood of your soul being sucked into the White Hole.
We also offer discounts for bulk purchases and for customers who agree to participate in our focus group for the development of new, experimental insurance products.
Can I get a refund if my loved ones are not sucked into the White Hole?
Unfortunately, no. Our policy clearly states that all coverage is non-refundable, even in the event of a complete failure to be affected.
We do, however, offer a 10% discount on a new policy for customers who have been affected by a White Hole in the past.
Can I purchase White Hole Insurance with my soul?We do not accept soul-based payment methods, as this can cause... unpleasantness.
How do I contact White Hole Insurance?
Send us an email to info@whiteholeinsurance.com or give us a call at 1-800-WHITE-HOLE.
Or, if you're feeling adventurous, try sending a carrier pigeon to our office on the nearest uncharted moon.
Is White Hole Insurance a scam?
No, we are not a scam. We are a legitimate insurance company, with a financials page to prove it.
We're so confident in our coverage that we offer a 100% satisfaction guarantee. If you're not satisfied with our service, we'll give you a full refund... of your non-existent soul.