Because adulting is hard, and so are particles.
Quantum Tunneling Particle Pilates is a form of exercise that combines the principles of quantum mechanics with the physicality of pilates.
Our unique approach uses tiny, invisible particles to guide your body through a series of challenging poses, allowing you to tap into the mysteries of the quantum realm while also getting a killer ab workout.
Warning: may cause spontaneous combustion of expectations and/or understanding of physics.
To become a Quantum Tunneling Particle Pilates Master, you must first achieve mastery of the art of making a decent cup of coffee.
Next, you must learn to recite the entirety of "The Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics" by David Deutsch in its entirety, while balancing on one leg.
Finally, you must submit to our rigorous 10-hour certification program, which includes a comprehensive review of Schrödinger's equation and a 30-minute session of "Quantum Tunneling Particle Pilates" with our expert instructors.
Cost: $500,000 (includes a complimentary particle accelerator rental for 6 months).
Quantum Tunneling Particle Pilates classes are completely safe, as long as you don't try to use the particles to tunnel through solid objects or into alternate dimensions.
We take the safety of our clients very seriously, which is why we have a team of expert particle physicists on staff to ensure that our particles are always behaving themselves.
While our particles can indeed interact with the quantum field surrounding your cat, we do not recommend using them for communication purposes.
This is because cats are notoriously uncooperative and will likely just knock over your particle accelerator anyway.
But hey, at least you'll have a great ab workout.
Because adulting is hard, and so are particles.
Quantum Tunneling Particle Pilates is a form of exercise that combines the principles of quantum mechanics with the physicality of pilates.
Our unique approach uses tiny, invisible particles to guide your body through a series of challenging poses, allowing you to tap into the mysteries of the quantum realm while also getting a killer ab workout.
Warning: may cause spontaneous combustion of expectations and/or understanding of physics.
To become a Quantum Tunneling Particle Pilates Master, you must first achieve mastery of the art of making a decent cup of coffee.
Next, you must learn to recite the entirety of "The Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics" by David Deutsch in its entirety, while balancing on one leg.
Finally, you must submit to our rigorous 10-hour certification program, which includes a comprehensive review of Schrödinger's equation and a 30-minute session of "Quantum Tunneling Particle Pilates" with our expert instructors.
Cost: $500,000 (includes a complimentary particle accelerator rental for 6 months).
Quantum Tunneling Particle Pilates classes are completely safe, as long as you don't try to use the particles to tunnel through solid objects or into alternate dimensions.
We take the safety of our clients very seriously, which is why we have a team of expert particle physicists on staff to ensure that our particles are always behaving themselves.
While our particles can indeed interact with the quantum field surrounding your cat, we do not recommend using them for communication purposes.
This is because cats are notoriously uncooperative and will likely just knock over your particle accelerator anyway.
But hey, at least you'll have a great ab workout.
We do not recommend it. Unless you're applying for a job as a particle accelerator technician or a professional snail trainer, in which case, go for it.
But seriously, our certification is not recognized by any governing bodies, and your future employer may have some... questions about your qualifications.