Quantum Crisis Management

Temporal Flux Capacitor - A device that can bend the fabric of time to make your day seem shorter, but actually just makes your day longer and more exhausting.

Quantum Leaps - Harness the power of quantum entanglement to teleport yourself to a different coffee shop in an alternate dimension. Side effects may include mild reality shock and a strong sense of disorientation.

Reality Distortion Goggles - Wear these goggles to distort the perceptions of those around you, making them see you as a brilliant and competent crisis manager. Side effects may include mild paranoia and increased risk of being taken seriously.