Overpriced Features

Toasty's Toaster App

Welcome, esteemed customer, to the pinnacle of toaster technology: the Toasty Toaster App.

For the low, low price of only $500, you'll get:

• A 1-second delay between toasting cycles, because who needs speed?
• A toaster that beeps at you 17 times in a row, because you clearly need to be reminded of its presence
• And, of course, our patented "Burn-It-All" mode, because why not?

But wait, there's more!

Order now, and receive a complimentary copy of our best-selling toaster manual, "The Art of Toasting: A Guide for the Ambitious Toaster Owner" (free, just like the toaster itself, but only if you order in the next 5 minutes, or your money back, whichever comes later)