The Evil Midget's Tips and Tricks

Tip 1: How to Steal the World's Supply of Socks

First, gather a large collection of spare keys. Then, use these to unlock the doors of the world's major sock factories. Once inside, fill your pockets with as many socks as you can carry, then make a run for it!

Tip 2: How to Use the Power of the Dark Arts to Make Your Fingers Stronger

Practice holding tiny weights in your fingers, then use the energy of the darkness to amplify your strength.

Tip 3: How to Build a Time Machine using Only Household Items

The Evil Midget's Time Machine Project

Warning: Do Not Attempt This at Home (or in a Laboratory, or in a Secret Lair)

To create the world's most basic time machine using only household items: start by gathering a microwave oven, a toaster, and a VHS player. Use the microwave's magnetron to generate a localized distortion in the space-time continuum. The toaster will provide a burst of radiant energy, and the VHS player will record the precise coordinates of your target time period.

Disclaimer: The Evil Midget is not responsible for any damage or paradoxes caused by the misuse of this information.