This Weeks' Projections

Our team of expert prophets has scoured the crystal ball, and here's what they've seen:

Projection 1: The apocalypse will be delayed until at least next Thursday.

Projection 2: The price of avocado toast will drop to 3 dollars a slice by the end of the month.

Projection 3: The meaning of life will be revealed to a select group of people on a remote island, but they'll probably just end up arguing about it.