Technical Support

Warning: Do not attempt to self-diagnose. Our carefully curated support bot will guide you through the process of not understanding the problem.

• Consult the Invisible Guru
• Simulate Absurd Solutions
• Blame The Software

Consult the Invisible Guru

We've summoned the Invisible Guru, who will provide you with an answer that will make perfect sense in retrospect, but not now.

Please hold on for a moment while we contact the guru...

Wait For It...

Patience, young one, for the guru's wisdom is coming...

We're waiting for the guru's response, but it's taking a while. Please stand by.

Or just click the button again. Maybe it'll be faster this time.

Simulate Absurd Solutions

Warning: Our solutions may cause unintended consequences, such as:

• Mysterious error messages
• Spontaneous combustion
• Uncontrollable dancing

But don't worry, we've tested these solutions extensively... in our imagination.

• Unplug Everything
• Hit Reset With A Coat Hanger
• Build A Firewall Around the PC

Unplug Everything

Unplugging everything will solve 99% of your problems. The other 1% is just coincidence.

Turn off the power, pull the plug, and walk away.

Blame The Software

We've determined that the problem lies with the software. It's always the software.

• Update to Latest Bug
• Reinstall The OS In 10 Minutes
• Call The Software Vendor