Welcome, user. Congratulations! You're reading the official safety manual for the Teleportation Machine. Because, let's be real, you're probably going to need it.
Disclaimer: Teleportation is not actually possible. This manual is for entertainment purposes only. Do not attempt to use this machine. You will likely end up on Mars with a bad haircut.
Warning: Side effects of teleportation may include but are not limited to: disorientation, culture shock, spontaneous combustion, and/or becoming a human popsicle. See section 3 for more information.
Section 3: Teleportation Pains
Section 4: Cosmic Conundrums
Section 5: Unlikely Consequences
Important: Do not attempt to use this machine unless you have read this manual from cover-to-cover, including the Disclaimer Section and Disclaimer Section B.
Or, you know, just don't use it at all. That's probably a good idea.