Don't Contact Us

We're trying to be as opaque as possible, but you've managed to find us.

Send us an email, if you must, but be warned: our automated response will be 100% automated and 100% devoid of human sentiment.

Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, try our Email Us page, where you can send us your thoughts and we'll do our best not to read them.

We're not really listening, so don't bother.

(Note: I've included a few links to fictional subpages, just for fun. Feel free to ask me to generate the content for those pages as well!)