Temporal Anomalies

Time Dilation

Warning: Time Dilation can cause spontaneous combustion, spontaneous re-combustion, or spontaneous re-re-combustion. Prolonged exposure may lead to:

• Time paradoxes
• Spontaneous aging
• Uncontrollable laughter

For a limited time only, we are offering a complimentary Time Dilation Kit, complete with:

• A temporal displacement device
• A pocket watch that only shows 3:00 PM
• A complimentary ticket to the Time Traveler's Anonymous Meeting

Don't wait! Order now and receive a 20th percentile discount! Learn more.

Famous Time Dilation Success Stories:

• Cosmologists who used Time Dilation to win the lottery three times in a row.
• Time Travelers Anon, who used Time Dilation to visit the same bar every Friday night for 20 years without getting a parking ticket.

Side Effects May Include:

• Temporal Tachycardia : a condition where your heart beats faster than the fabric of time itself.
• Uncontrollable urges to shout "Huzzah!" at random intervals.
• ChronoCaffeine withdrawal: a condition where time feels like a never-ending cup of coffee.