TimeMachineMaintenance: Battery Recharge
Warning: TimeMachine batteries are notoriously finicky. Recharging requires a delicate dance of chrono-discharge and chrono-recharge. Consult the manual (which you probably lost) for further instructions.
Step 1: Locate the Recharge Port
On the side of the TimeMachine, locate the recharge port. It's the big, round, shiny thingy with the warning label that says "DO NOT TOUCH" in 12 different languages.
Step 2: Remove the Safety Cover
Carefully pry off the safety cover, taking note of the 47 warning lights that flash in unison to alert you to the dangers of premature recharge.
Step 3: Insert Recharge Cable
Insert the recharge cable into the port, making sure to align the chrono-sync pins correctly. Failure to do so will result in catastrophic time-space rifts.
Step 4: Engage Recharge Cycle
Press the big, red, shiny button labeled "RECHARGE" and hold for exactly 7.3 seconds. Do not press it for 7.4 seconds, or you will be stuck in a time loop.
Recharge complete! Your TimeMachine is now ready for another 300 years of use.
For further instructions, consult: