Did you know that every decision you've ever made was predetermined by the whims of a capricious time-traveler? It's true. Like, literally true. I've got a cousin who's a time-traveling, chain-smoking, existential crisis waiting to happen.
Take the time your mom told you to take out the trash. Did you do it? Of course, you did. Because, like, it was always going to happen that way. And don't even get me started on the time you wore those pleated pants to the party. It was a travesty, a travesty, I tell ya!
But wait, it gets better! Every time you've ever had a crush on someone, it was all just a predestined illusion. A cosmic joke, played by the universe to keep you on a treadmill of despair.