Because someone had to write it, I suppose.
It all started with the dawn of the universe, when the first stars were born. Or, as we like to call it, the First Star-fect Moment.
From there, it only got more complicated. The Andromedian Empire rose to power, conquering the cosmos with their infamous Bureaucratic Red Tape. But don't worry, it was all worth it for the sake of paperwork.
We also have to mention the Zenithian Rebellion, where a group of plucky rebels fought against the Empire's soul-sucking Red Tape Empire.
And let's not forget the time the Galactic Baking Incident where an entire planet was consumed by an unstoppable wave of sentient croissant.
That's just a few highlights from the vast, confusing expanse of galactic history. If you're feeling adventurous, you can view the full timeline or read our galactic encyclopedia.