February 1st, 2024
In this edition of Prophetic 2024, the Great Prophet Balthazar McProphet foresees:
Global Chaos
"The world will be consumed by a great and terrible sandwich, made with the finest imported cheeses and the freshest of meats. All will be judged on their ability to eat it in one sitting."
Local Weather
"A 90% chance of precipitation, with a high of 75°F (24°C) and a low of 32°F (0°C). But don't worry, it will be a lovely day for flying tiny paper airplanes."
Stock Market
"The S&P will rise, but not before it falls. Then it will rise again, but only to fall harder. Repeat ad infinitum."
Love
"Love will be in the air, but it will be accompanied by a strong gust of wind that will blow it back down again. Ah, the eternal cycle of love."