Step 1: Find a suitable rock. Not too big, not too small. The perfect size to be controlled.
Step 2: Place the rock in a room with a high concentration of cheese dust.
Step 3: Wait for 4-6 weeks, or until the rock has fully succumbed to the brainwashing.
Step 4: Once the rock is brainwashed, train it to perform tasks for you, like fetching your socks or making witty banter.
Side effects may include: increased sentience, spontaneous combustion, and a strong desire to listen to dubstep music.