Microbial Mischief Terms of Service

Effective as of the last Tuesday

We, at Microbial Mischief, reserve the right to make you do whatever we want. Like, seriously, we're a bacteria-based corporation, and we're not afraid to get a little messy. Our motto? "We're not just in your gut, we're in your gut."

By accessing our website, you agree to be bound by the following terms:

• You must not use our website for anything other than plotting world domination.
• You must not use our website to order food from the cafeteria, as we're still working on getting our food ordering system up to speed.
• You must not attempt to escape our grasp, as we have a 99.9% success rate of capturing rogue microbes.

By using our website, you acknowledge that our lawyers are on vacation, and we're not really sure what we're doing either.

For any further questions, concerns, or existential crises, please contact our Customer Service department, who will probably just ignore you.

Hyperlinks to other sections of our website:

• Our Microbiome: The Secret to Our Success
• Microbial Misadventures: Our Greatest Hits
• Our Lobbyists: The People Who Make the Laws