Monday Mandate 1: The Unbearable Lightness of Being

By the power vested in us, we, the Council of Unremarkable Days, hereby declare that Monday mornings are, in fact, the worst.

Article 1, Section 3, Subsection 7 of the Monday Mandate reads:

1. Thou shalt not wake up before the sun has risen over the horizon, lest ye suffer the slings and arrows of morning dread.
2. Thou shalt not check thy email before the first cup of coffee hath been consumed, lest ye be consumed by the abyss of anxiety.
3. Thou shalt not make any promises thou canst not keep, lest ye be bound by the chains of unfulfillment.
4. Thou shalt not wear any color other than black, lest ye be shamed by the garishness of thy attire.

Mandate 2: Thou shalt not be late, lest ye be cast into the outer darkness.

Mandate 3: Thou shalt not be late for work, lest ye be cast into the pit of despair.

Or so we, the Council, decree.