Breaking: Local Squirrel Population Hits New Highs
Our top story today comes from a report by the local squirrel union that the squirrel population in the area has hit an all-time high, with an estimated 5,000 bushy-tailed critters roaming free in the neighborhood.
A spokesperson for the union, who wished to remain anonymous, stated that the surge in population is due to a combination of factors including the recent installation of a state-of-the-art nut dispensing system and the introduction of a squirrel-themed coffee shop on Main Street.
We spoke to local resident and self-proclaimed "squirrel whisperer" Bob Johnson, who shared his thoughts on the matter.
"I'm not surprised by the numbers, but I do worry about the impact on my trash cans. Those squirrels are relentless."
We also spoke to the mayor of Neo-Brutalist City, who released a statement saying that the city is "working tirelessly to address the concerns of local residents and provide more nut-based solutions to the problem."
