Q: Why do we use a parachute protocol?
A: Because our competitors are always trying to drop us, figuratively and literally. It's for our safety and security.
Q: How do you handle parachute malfunctions?
A: We have a team of highly trained, highly caffeinated engineers who can troubleshoot the problem while simultaneously yelling 'We're going to die!' and 'This isn't a drill!'
Q: Can I use my own parachute in your operations?
A: No. Our parachutes are proprietary and only compatible with our brand of brand of parachute-specific products. You'll need to buy our official, overpriced parachute accessories.
Meet our parachute technicians