Our approach to product launches is built on the principles of underwhelmed disappointment, lukewarm enthusiasm, and general apathy. We strive to deliver experiences that are just fine, not excellent.
1. Develop a product that is just okay.
2. Create marketing materials that sort of try to make it sound exciting.
3. Release it to the public with a shrug.
Our approach has been scientifically proven (in our own, totally-not-made-up studies) to be 99.9% as effective as actual enthusiasm and excitement. In fact, our team of expert researchers have found that our method can even increase the risk of customers experiencing existential dread by up to 10%.