Friend #2: The Enigmatic Enigma

Occupation: Professional Couch Warmer

Specialty: Excelling at Doing Absolutely Nothing

Favorite Food: Pizza with extra cheese and extra apathy

Personality Quirks: Obsessively watches paint dry, frequently uses the phrase "It's fine, I'll just stay home", and has an uncanny ability to fall asleep anywhere, anytime.

See Friend #3 for more of this nonsense

And for the pièce de résistance: Friend #4